I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
