How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i dont even know how to be here
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
