She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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