I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
