Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
