hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
