Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
