im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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