I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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