Buhtt sex?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
