I've blown a few things in my day
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm too high and old for this...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
