i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
