Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
