I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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