As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
