real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
