final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
