it was like his penis was on wheels.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
