I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
