sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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