I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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