apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
