Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
