I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
