she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
