i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
