i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
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I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
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Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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