I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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