i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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