pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
