Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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