I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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