Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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