Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
