Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
