This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I need moral support for this bender
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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