You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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