I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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