It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
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I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
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I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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