after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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