You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
