He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
