LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
