he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
