wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
