Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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