my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
