he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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