we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
