I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
