Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
zippers are such a cool invention
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
