i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
