i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
