I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
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what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
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She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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