I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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