Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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