Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
