guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
where am i from again
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
