The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
