Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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