I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize