Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
