i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
