I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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