What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize