i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
