Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
