You work out of a Hotel?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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