My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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