She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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