Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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