how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
