Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
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