btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
