What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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