New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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