I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
