so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
