if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
