So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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