Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
