his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
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you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
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i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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