I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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