need another drink. this is the easiest way
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
