I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
