Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
pop tarts are not kleenex
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
