i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
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My ATM looks so different sober.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
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I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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