I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
